So they’re finally here, performing for you
You won’t know the words, but maybe the tune
If you really want to, I suppose you can clap
As we take you through this plagiarised rap

He’s the radical wizard, he loves strategy games
His Mii is called Harold, that’s not really his name
That’s just how he rolls, full of surprises
He’ll kick some tail when a challenge arises
One thing’s for sure, Tam always comes through
Like that Harvest Moon game he took 10 months to review

He wrote this rap, he’s not even sorry
Dave’s ideas give us reason to worry
He doesn’t finish games, no, he just doesn’t care
Never met a guy more in love with his hair
Our former leader is a bit of a buffoon
But makes us smile when he plays his tunes

It’s not just a name, he really can ride them
Vita reviews? He kindly supplied them
Give Will lemons, he won’t make lemonade
He hates the taste, he’d rather lift weights
Can pick up a boulder with relative ease
Makes old Metroid games seem like a breeze

The streamer of the bunch, Kaes is in the house
CRT TVs often get him aroused
A Smash Bros try-hard, he bought some amiibo
Some turned to plenty, now his wallet is empty
He’s been around a while, owned a C64
A drum and bass fan, yeah, right to his core

He lives in Japan, likes his peace and quiet
But make him wait in queues and he may start a riot
Memes are life, SEGA is hometown
All the latest games, he can give you the lowdown
With lengthy reviews, he’s the one they call Joe
With a skip and a hop, he just goes with the flow

He made us a logo, it’s pretty damn ace
Pete has style but forget about grace
His comments are savage, they’ll leave you in shock
Your virtual dog is on the chopping block
He may have some problems, none of them small
But we needed heroes and he answered the call